Sluts of the sea

Audrey, what did you do today?

Well, funny you should ask. Let's see... I woke up early, ate some rice crispies, bought a cup of coffee and then I fucking swam in the ocean with 500 wild dolphins!!! Ya know, just your average Sunday.

What an experience! We received a brief training before diving off the boat with our wetsuits and snorkels, informing us that we were there to entertain the dolphins, not the other way around. Our instructions to get them to take an interest in us: act as dolphin-like as possible. This includes diving down, swimming in circles and making high-pitched squeaking noises or even singing. We all laughed at the instruction video, like we're really gonna go out there and sing to the dolphins.

Then, twenty minutes later, a Dusky Dolphin swam under my legs, turned around and looked me right in the eyes, just inches from my mask, and before I knew it, I was singing at the top of my lungs and floundering in circles. My grace didn't really compare to his, but it was enough to entertain. He and I circled each other for a minute and then he swam off to join his pod. This happened repeatedly, for almost an hour. It was the probably the best hour of my life. Apparently the dolphins like The Beatles.

The highlight of the swim was definitely the dolphin sex. Yes, I saw full on dolphin-on-dolphin action. I took a picture and then felt guilty. I would publish it on the blog, but I don't want to promote dolphin porn. Apparently dolphins are one of the few other mammals besides humans that hump for pleasure. And they do it a LOT. A female dolphin will have sex with up to eight males in one day. That's my kinda lady. Once I learned how much dolphins like to do the dirty deed, I stopped trying to act so "dolphin-like." The last thing I need is to accidentally seduce a feisty male dolphin.

Here's one little fellow showing off. Sorry the camera's a little shakey, I was real excited.