College essay tutoring

Today I had the opportunity through 826 Valencia to help local high school seniors edit their college application essays. The most important thing, the teachers informed us, is that we kept the essay in the student’s voice. We were not there to completely rewrite the essay for them.

As my job is to rewrite other people’s writing, I found this to be incredibly challenging. Especially when the student I as paired with sat down and presented the most poorly written, unfocused, rambling essay I’ve ever read. But I could tell she had some really strong ideas that were just aching to get out on to the page.

“Okay, I’ve finished reading your essay. Tell me in your own words what the point is that you’re trying to make.”

“My essay’s about growing up in a Mexican family and the opportunity I had last summer to go to Smith college with my afterschool engineering program and how that made me want to go to college.”

“Okay, so what you’re trying to say is, your essay is about your struggle to break free of the male-dominated Latino culture and how this inspired you to pursue an education in engineering, a male-dominated industry.”

Blink. Blink.

“I mean, isn’t that what motivated you to get involved in your female engineering club in the first place? Your struggle to find your voice as a Latina woman?”

“Actually, it was because my sister joined and my mom said I had to.”

“Uh huh. So here, in this third paragraph, you can draw a parallel between your challenges as a woman in an oppressive Mexican family to the hurdles that your mentor overcame to be the president of the water treatment plant! But, like, in your own words.”

“What’s a parallel?”

After three hours we’d written an entirely new, entirely brilliant essay. I think UC Berkeley is totally going to accept me. I mean, um, her. Accept her.