Audrey's Guide to Australian Animals

The Wombat



Wombats, like every Australian animal it seems, are marsupials. And they are lazy. But I commend them on their cuddliness and friendliness, as exemplified by this picture, in which Baby Wombat Tara is holding my hand. (Sorry, the lighting in the Wombat nursery sucked).



The Wallaby



Wallabies are like little kangaroos, only they're more shy. But once they get used to you, they'll come up and eat right out of your hand. From there, it's easy to coax one into your backpack. Cate, this is our new pet, Wendy. I told her that she can sleep in your room.



The Kangaroo



Kangaroos are like wallabies, only bigger and less shy. They'll sidle right up to you and demand food, pawing you until you explain that you really have no food left, and then they'll keep pawing you.



They're strangely human like, which is why it was especially odd to see one particularly large male crouched over, balls in hand, licking away contentedly. This is where I would feature a video of the kangaroos' distinctive hop (and ball-licking) if I hadn't wasted my camera battery on films of koalas doing nothing.



Which brings us to,

The Koala

Koala's do nothing. In fact, they sleep 22 hours a day. Passed out in the eucalyptus trees overhead, koalas resemble drunken, potbellied, old men with hairy ears. This is probably because they ARE drunk. The two hours a day that koalas aren't sleeping, they're eating the leaves of a particular eucalyptus tree (there are 30 varieties in Australia). The leaves then ferment in their little koala bellies and make them drunk. Thus leading to the 22 hours of sleeping, the horrendous, off-beat dance moves and the slurred strings of drunken swear words hurled at innocent tourists.

One particularly belligerent male had the audacity to drunkenly saunter up to me and try and convince me to come back to his tree. Hey pal, too many fermented eucalyptus leaves in that furry pot belly. You are SO not my type.



The Australian Beach Bum



Just like koalas, only gayer. And less furry.