Wanker

One of the nice things about being around during the day is I get to see all the exciting things that happen in my neighborhood while everyone else is at work. Today there was a giant car accident on Atlantic Avenue. That was exciting. And yesterday morning I saw a man masturbating on my sidewalk.

Now, I don’t live in some sketchy neighborhood. I live on a nice tree-lined street in a relatively wealthy part of Brooklyn. Such a nice street, apparently, that it turns some people on. Oh, those sexy, sexy brownstones.

I consider myself a pretty open-minded person. I was raised to believe that masturbation is a healthy part of growing up and learning about your body. But when it comes to jerking off on a public sidewalk in broad daylight. That’s just kinda gross. And illegal.

I thought about calling the cops. But I figured that by the time they would’ve arrived, the masturbator would have already come and gone.