Next I'll tackle the pole

Yesterday I attended my first “Cardio Tease” dance class at my sucky gym: 24-hour Lameness. I was pleasantly surprised at what a good time it was, with the teacher yelling commands amidst the thrusting and grinding like: “Pretend you’re wearing a hat, now pretend you’re taking it off. Swing your imaginary hat over your head and throw it to the side. Now undo your imaginary belt and pretend you’re taking off your pants.

I learned some sultry moves to go home and pretend to perform for my imaginary boyfriend.