Internal Spring Cleaning

Today is my third day on the Master Cleanse. When I decided to do this, I promised myself I would not blog about it because if you do a Google search for Master Cleanse you’ll find only like eight hundred million blogs about people’s fasting and pooping and weight loss and such.

But basically, the gist of the cleanse, as you can read in the article, is that for ten days, I’m ingesting nothing but water, lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper. This combo (plus various herbal laxative teas and salt washes, I won’t go into that part, it’s nasty) will supposedly scrub all my insides out to get rid of all the toxins that I’ve put in there for the last 30 years of my life. Everything from the entire bag of tootsie rolls I ate on Halloween when I was seven to the big juicy hot dog I ate on Sunday after the bike ride. It’s all coming out.

Granted, the so-called “doctors” with “medical degrees” and “professional scientists” say that your body does that on it’s own. That’s what kidneys are for. Sure, they went to med school and, um, scientist school and all. But, I read a website that says otherwise!

To be honest, I don’t know if I believe in all the detox mumbo jumbo. However, I’ve heard about this cleanse for years and have always been sort of curious. I know many people that have done it with positive results (at any rate, they didn’t die). And I’m unemployed. I got nothing better to do this week.

I wouldn’t say I’m an unhealthy person. But I pretty much eat whatever I want, whenever I want, so I thought this would be a neat experiment just to see if I can do it. It’s not about losing weight (all the pounds you lose, you gain right back, apparently), it’s about focusing on my body and paying attention to what goes into it for a change. My hope is that after this, I’ll have a better understanding of what food makes me happy, what makes me unhappy, and how I can maintain better control of those factors. Also, I heard that crazy things come out of your butt! Stuff that you didn’t even know was inside you… I can’t wait!

It’s yet to be seen whether I can actually last ten days. That’s a long time to go without solid food. And I have a serious hankering for a cheese danish right now. Yes, a cheese danish on a large pepperoni pizza.

Followed by a Dr. Pepper.

With Vodka in it.